TODAY I SIT IN MY ROCKER WONDERING.. how did this
happen? How did my son end up in prison.Why me.. why him..
why.. why.. why..? No matter how hard I try to come up with a
reason.. it still comes back to.. if only I.. or what if..? To all the
mothers who are reading this.. STOP RIGHT THERE! How many
times have you questioned yourself? How many times have you
cried uncontrollably? For what.. more wrinkles! I WANT YOU
TO SIT BACK RIGHT NOW.. AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH!
YOU.. ARE NOT TO BLAME! YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST
THAT A MOTHER COULD HAVE DONE. ALWAYS REMEMBER
THIS.. YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER WERE BORN AN
INDIVIDUAL.. NO MATTER IF WE BORN THAT BABY.. THEY
ARE STILL THEIR OWN PERSON. This life time of ours has
given us many roads to travel and roads our born child has
traveled has taken us to places that have caused anguish..
wether a choosen road or at the wrong place at the wrong time.
As mothers.. all we can do now is take care of ourselves. What
I mean by that is.. hand your worries over onto God's shoulders
for awhile.. and go and rest.. go have a warm bath.. go work in
your garden. Do what ever it takes to have your peace of mind.
If you don't.. you will continue to cry uncontrollably.. not sleep..
get more wrinkles! You do not need that. People need you and
you need yourself in order to function in life. I remind myself
quite often and catch myself before I feel like I'm going to go
over the edge. I would like to see you do the same. GOD
BLESS YOU ALL! Angelgirl(Fifi)
I just came across this and I have asked myself this same question, its been a nightmare
and maybe it's harder for me as i wasn't able to fend for my kids as I had cacer and almost died. I know they were shown at
a very young age that drinking till you stumble falling down drunk is cool and drugs are ok as they did them with my sister
and she thought that was ok.I am angry with myself cause I wasn't there to protect them and show them guide them the way they
should of been.My biggest problem is the anger I have towards my family.They all played a big part in helping destroy their
lifes and now that they are in prison they turn their backs on them and i am left here broken hearted and mad.I believe that
a person chooses the path they want to take in life,I know that being a mom you love your children unconditionally,and you
except things that you can't change.I still have problems excepting what they have done to my children and if the courts would
look at what the family did to my children I wouldn't be sitting here ? what is right and what is wrong.I am mad at my boys
for what they have done to me their brothers ,sister and children and we are out here trying to keep their kids safe and happy.
Why me lord I ask as I hurt for them and the lord doesn't answer.maybe I am being punished for desserting them I ? myself
every day,someday I will know and feel good about this situation,I pray that The day will come when my kids are drug and alchol
free and we can sit and talk about me blameing myself.
I just came across this post and I am glad that I did I can't count the number of times I have sat and
blamed my son's choices on everything else, including myself, except placing the blame where it belonged With
him. I am really angry with my son right now for putting his family through this hurt and humiliation but mostly I am
angry at him for what he has done to himself The choices he has made (and he is only just 18) will forever change him.
I am just wondering if others are angry with their sons/daughthers for what they have done...I know we all love and support
our children, but I can't help but feel angry. I also can't help but feel that I do not want him to come back home (in
6 months), only to continue to put his family through more of the same. Am I the only one feeling this way?
I think each and every one of us go through that cycle of being angry with our Children. I actually
disowned my own son the night his problem happened. I was hysterical and told him he was no son of mine. I did
not hear from him for over 3 weeks and was worried to death because I did not know where he was of even if he was dead or
alive. But, he finally turned himself in and I realized that he made a terrible mistake and it could not be undone.
I then went to God and lost the anger at him. I saw the same little boy that I raised and have loved all my life.
I also realized just how imperfect we all are as a society and that he was no different and that he truly did not mean to
do what he had done.
We are parents and do not understand what happens with our children, but, God forgives them
so we must also.
My love and prayers to you
I am angry too......today I don't seem to know anything. I can't bare to think of him as a little
boy, it hurts too darn much. But these thoughts and images of him keep popping into my head. I keep pushing them
out of my head as it hurts too much.
I sure know what you are talking about there!. For years I went through the same feeling you are having
and at times I still do. I have made up a special box for my son and it has some of the special things he has done when he
was a childa and to a teen. I wrapped everything in a bow and a prayer book with my thoughts and my own prayers as well. Then
I closed the box and sealed it and ask God to please guide him and look after him while he is away from us. When I get feeling
the way you do I look at that box , touch it and pray again. It seemed to work for me. But there are times when I am not near
his special box and I am on my own. A mom can feel guilty because should have been able to control what has gone wrong. This
is UNTRUE.!She will feel powerless and mad because when they were little we were trying our upmost best to show
them all the good things in life and to teach them the straight and narrow. So we feel to blame and feel guilty. I have learned
that guilt doesn't not lead to anything. It is endless!. It will circle and distroy us unless we put a stop to feeling guilty
Only god knows what is unstalled for our grown child and we do not have his powers to know the future. Your son will have
moments of prayer even if he is not a religous person. At night when the inmates are asleep is usually when they are saying
their own prayer to themselves. He will find peace in his prayer and go to sleep. At times he will have his own doubts about
the lord but will bounce back again to him and pray once more and find his own level of comfort knowing that he can't change
being in jail now but he does have a future no matter how far away. Tell him not to dwell on how long he is in for. Tell him
to work on a program that he will enjoy to learn. This way his moind will be occupied with learning more than anger etc. I
have learned to do this myself. Although I am not in prison I feel that I am in my own home because I have the same problem
as you. Try learning something new of interest. My new interest was starting DearestMom and found helping all you moms has
given me a satisfactory feeling in knowing that I must be strong to live.
YES, I BELIEVE WE ALL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I DON'T THINK THERE IS A DAY
THAT PASSES BY THAT I DON'T QUESTION MYSELF WHY WHY ME WHY MY SON: BUT NONE OF US WILL EVER HAVE THAT QUESTION ANSWERED, ONLY
THE LORD HAS HIS REASONS WHY THINGS HAPPEN, AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I TRY TO TELL MYSELF. I PUT ALOT OF BLAME ON MYSELF BUT
DOES IT HELP DOES IT GET MY SON OUT OF PRISONS NO IT DOESN'T AND IT ONLY MAKES ME EVEN SICKER AND CONSTANELY IN TEARS. I'M
SO SORRY I HAVE NOT BEEN ON LATELY I GUESS I'M JUST BE PRETTY DOWN MYSELF AND FEELING SO LONELY..I TRY SO HARD TO BE STRONG
BUT ITS SUCH A BATTLE. HOLDING BACK TEARS WHEN YOU GO VISIT THEM AND HAVE TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND KNOWING THAT THEY WILL BE BACK
IN THAT HELL HOLE THEY ARE IN..MY HEART AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO ALL OF YOU MOMS AND ALL WE CAN DO IS TO BE STRONG FOR THEM ...THE
MAIN REASON I WROTE YOU, BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WROTE TO ALL MOMS ,I REALLY NEEDED THAT TODAY I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW
MANY TIMES I READ IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IT DID HELP EVERY LITTLE THING DOES HELP, AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR BEING SO CARING .I KNOW YOUR SON IS WELL LOVED IN JUST THE WAY YOU SPEAK ABOUT HIM, I ONLY WISH THAT ONE DAY SOON
HE WILL COME HOME TO YOU AND HIS BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND FOR YOU TO BE A WHOLE WOMEN AGAIN. I MEAN THAT THERE IS A PIECE
OF YOUR HEART MISSING LIKE THEIR IS A PIECE OF MY HEART MISSING BECAUSE MY SON IS GONE....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WHAT YOU WROTE
AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ANGEL....THE WORDS " HOME- SWEET - HOME
" HAS A WHOLE NEW MEANING WHEN IT COMES TO OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL..AND DEAR LORD
PLEASE WATCH OVER OUR CHILDREN! KEEP THEM STRONG AND KEEP THEM WELL!
....I sat here and read all the messages..angry...hell yes i got angry and sometimes still do...but the day my
son went to prison...i wrote a note to God..yes God...God gave his only son to die on a cross for all of us...now could i
give my son to die for everyone? NO...i thought , God has more love for his son than any of us...God gave me a son to
raise..and on that day I gave my son back to his father..GOD..and ask him to now take his son and live thru him and help my
son see Gods will....I try to do my best to let God work thru my son and let God help me keep my noise out of it..but i am
human and the hurt and suffering is all too real in my body...in the bible it tells us that we are to learn from our mistakes...and
suffer not the children....my son was an adult when his life went down the wrong road and we must obey the laws of the land..i
have ask my son if he ever thought he would end up in prison and he said "no"...and he went there at the young age of 20 and
will not be out till he is 27...now i pray that God will help him understand what went wrong and learn from this..but i know
that unless my son turns his life over to God , that there is a good change he will be back to step one///prision again..now
i only have hope in my life and no more do i wonder why me...God only knows our furture and the future of our children....but
now we have each other and we have become sister's to each other...take care and let God be your guide...
Wow, while reading your post it was sounding close to where I am at, too. With
our sons ages. My son was arrested October 2001, he was 17 yrs old. 2 months away from his 18 birthday. He had a Z28
that his dad had just bought him.Getting ready to get his license. He was arrested at home, I still remember him laying on
the couch watching TV. I remember when the police came knocking on the front door. Ronnie put the rest of his bowl of ice
cream in the freezer as he walked back to his room to get a cig. to smoke while the police was here. Make the long story short,
he hasn't came home yet. He has served 2 yrs. They gave him 15-19 yrs. That bowl of ice cream is still in the freezer.
I just can't seem put let that ice cream melt that he was eating. He told me, Mom I hope you don't expect me to eat that when
I get out of here. I said no, I will let you throw that boul away, an get a fresh bowl of ice cream. Take Care,
My Mom always said "If not you then somebody else" and I certainly would'nt put this
on anyone. We all know that there is no getting around this only through it. Mother's are doomed to blaming ourselves for
everything that our children do, regardless of their ages. That being so painful, I try to remind myself that my grief is
evidence of the strength of my love for my son and though I might have made many mistakes with him I have never failed in
loving him. That I believe is our real purpose in life. We all make mistakes ladies, we're human. The fact that we now recognize
our mistakes is not meant to be the rod that we beat ourselves up with, it is the wisdom to learn and go on. Take what we
learn and leave the rest.